Listening to More Machine than Man & Girls Against Boys today:

It's been an ugly couple of weeks here in my head. I have been tasting metal and smelling sulfur way too often.
Imagining the release of an explosive shell through the back of my palette. My favorite likeness sings back from the grave;
"Go on and give me some fresh new eyes..." And I just keep plowing through the drifts with my headlights down low. Narrow eyes and broad mind.
It's like I want to be. Except when I am. Then I crave the people. Like the bleak inside is too immense to fill up with just myself. Filling a vessel with the vessel is pointless, because there's only so much matter to go around.

Break time is really a good name for it. I keep snapping off from my identity here at the call center hell. Trying to make me into a new whole. Like Ponce d' Leon, I'm stuck somewhere between the mythic youth, and the aging adventurer. Everyone knows me here. I'm a beacon of darkness. I could blot out the sun inside this cave.
The only thing is that I have no interaction. I deliver papers and walk away. "Not my fault, it's just company orders. You've failed yourself. I just wrote it down."

Maybe I should switch rails - Put on the Sea of Tranquility, or Worlock - Six Finger Satellite or Skinny Puppy? It's all dead now, there are no lines to draw. Only spheres of mind to traverse.

Again I feel my right hand raise up to my mouth with a ten pound weight. A black metal pistol grip, smelling of oil and grit. Lead inside sings of freedom. A tight fit, but it still rings out enough to make fun. I feel my arm reach my mouth, the lips are numb and I feel disembodied. focusing on the offending arm. It's forcing the metal into my mouth. My jaw parts to avoid the pressure against the teeth. Rotten as they are, it'd be a shame if there were little bits for the coroner to have to fit together. I feel the resistance of the trigger as my finger pulls back. the immediate pressures - through the throat and against the roof of the mouth. I chipped a tooth. one of the porcelain caps, I think. Money well spent, obviously. Grinning fervor forever.